


a little bit too much to say

by starfleetbanana



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Character Study, Fluff, M/M, No Plot/Plotless, autistic!Jack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-19
Updated: 2017-02-19
Packaged: 2018-09-25 12:05:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9819794
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starfleetbanana/pseuds/starfleetbanana
Summary: Jack can never quite pinpoint the exact moment where he goes non verbal, he just does. When he was a kid it was hard, because no one knew why suddenly he seemed unable to speak. People usually thought he was being too shy, or he was throwing a tantrum but Jack just became unable to speak sometimes. It took people around him a damn long time to understand that.A drabble on Jack & his autism.





	

**Author's Note:**

> the title makes no sense. jack does have a lot to say when he talks about hockey & history but like, not in this fic. anyway, i've been dying to write this fic ever since i read the comic for the first time. also this is my first fic for this fandom so i hope it isn't ooc, i've never really tried before so hope it's good. disclaimer: i'm not autistic, but i thought i was autistic for a while so i've done research on autism. if you're autistic and feel like this is somehow unrealistic or it somehow makes you uncomfy just let me know.

Jack can never quite pinpoint the exact moment where he goes non verbal, he just does. When he was a kid it was hard, because no one knew why suddenly he seemed unable to speak. People usually thought he was being too shy, or he was throwing a tantrum but Jack just became unable to speak sometimes. It took people around him a damn long time to understand that.

His mother was kind and never forced him to speak, she said he’d come round at some point and realise he had to speak to communicate what he wanted. So Jack found himself suddenly surprised, in a good way, when he went to Samwell and had no problem communicating with people even when he was non verbal.

In those moments Jack usually used the notes feature on his phone and made Siri read it out loud for his teammates. It’d never happened in class, but it was never really necessary to talk in class either, so it was fine. He’d thought about picking up ASL, but he needed a lot of time for that and he wasn’t sure it’d be that useful if no one else understood him. He didn’t have time to learn and teach the rest of the Haus. 

With Bitty it’s a little bit different, because usually, when he’s non verbal it’s because he’s coming down from sensory overload and his skull feels too full of cotton to let his thoughts out in the form of words. Bitty’s voice is soft, his accent making his words feel like dripping honey. Eric Bittle is a world of sensory experiences himself, and Jack Zimmermann’s a hundred percent sure he’s very much in love with each one of them.

He has a list in his head that encompasses things such as: the way Bitty says ‘honey’, how soft his hands are, how he knows exactly what to bake for Jack and his preferences in food textures, the way the colour of his eyes shifts in the sunlight, the patterns of his freckles, the way his weight feels on top of him. 

“Do you want a glass of water?” Bitty asks, waiting for Siri’s voice to answer for Jack. The Haus kitchen always smells of butter and vanilla, Jack likes it because it isn’t a hard smell like the one the kitchen had before Bits got to Samwell. 

He shakes his head no instead.

“Some ice cubes?” 

Jack nods this time. He likes ice cubes because of the way the light reflects on them and how ice, in general, feels against his skin. Jack likes too many things about that Haus, probably. It isn’t bad that he finally found a place where he feels comfortable and his friends don’t make stupid comments like “but you don’t seem autistic”. 

Out of all of them Shitty is the one who understands the most and sometimes helps him explain things about it to the rest of the team because Jack knows he’s pretty awful at explaining things when they aren’t related to hockey or history. Thankfully, pretty much his entire world is hockey and history after graduation.

Being back in the Haus as a falconer feels nice. His appartment is nowhere near as cozy as the Haus is -no one agrees on that with Jack, but he likes certain things in the Haus-, but he’s actually trying to make it a nicer place. 

Being alone isn’t really good for him, but having a routine helps him, even more so when he has notifications turned on for his phone to remind him the steps of certain long ass tasks. Bits insists it’s boring that he eats chicken tenders for dinner almost every day, but Jack likes them and he isn’t up for a challenge when he’s alone. 

He wakes up at the same time everyday, he sometimes listens to a song again and again during his morning run, but it has to be a song that makes him feel really fucking good, otherwise it becomes too much. 

On the other hand, being with Bitty in his own place makes him feel like he has his shit together. People _can_ say he does. He has his anxiety relatively under control, no medication needed, he’s learnt to cope with most of his sensory issues, he has his own place, he has a degree, he plays for the falconers, and has a boyfriend.  

It all goes to shit though as soon as he has to do public statements, but he has George for that, so it doesn’t happen too often. During interviews he can’t have her right there, but he can use his scripts and reporters usually don’t pressure him to elaborate. Sometimes he has this ‘problem’ (it isn’t actually a problem, but it embarrasses him sometimes when it makes him come off as rude) where he repeats his answers unconsciously, or sometimes his teammates’ answers, or sometimes the reporters’ questions. It is enjoyable in a way, though.

Bits’s always there after one of those uncomfortable interviews, and Jack rambles on and on about whatever his thoughts on hockey are that day. He occassionally interrumpts himself whenever Bitty sighs to ask, “Was that an exhasperation sigh or is that an ‘I get you’ sigh?”. Bits always says it’s the latter, but after 26 years of trying to learn all the variations of feelings expressed through sighs Jack still doesn’t get the fucking differences. 

Usually when he talks to Shitty he doesn’t need to do that because Shitty’s very _very_ vocal and expressive. In other words, he can’t contain himself to the point where his feelings are obvious and Jack doesn’t need to read too much into his body language. Shitty usually asks him to slow down or to be a little bit louder but that thing is a whole another myriad of shit Jack Zimmermann can not master. 

He chews on the last ice cube. Then he goes to Bitty’s side, careful not to get any flour on him. He bends down to press a kiss to Bitty’s head, his hair’s soft and it smells of the same shampoo he’d left once at Jack’s place and Jack’d started using too. 

He closes his eyes and stays there, his arms wrapped around Bitty and just feeling content, if only a little uncomfortable in that position. 

“Are you hungry already?” Bitty asks with a smile. Jack actually asks himself if he’s hungry or not, he usually has a hard time recognising the sensation of hunger in his stomach. 

He shakes his head no.

After all, maybe he _does_ have his shit together.

**Author's Note:**

> feedback's really really appreciated, especially since im nervous about this lmao.


End file.
